I am yelling and singing and screaming oh my

I started week 6 on Monday...lost my internet connection yesterday and was sooooo stressed not being able to read. Chewing on straws, wondering again why I am doing this...who cares? My children don't seem to remember or my grandchildren...reread why I quit and why others did...I have been sick... my husband has been to the Er and admitted but no smoking...and now that I am over that hump, still sitting here thinking WHY DID I DO THIS...I know there are lots of reasons...but really does anyone care whether I quit or not? Yes I am sure they do...I read all the posts...not just from today or last week or even last month but months and months of posts...I wonder what happens to some of the people...I guess they start again and we just don't hear from them...I know that if I can just hang on...this WILL be over...I will be proud..life willl go on...my children will finally believe (I wonder how many years it will take before they believe I really am going to quit??) Say prayers for me...I am trying so very hard...just when I think I have the mind set,quit smoking now, I just scram,Herbal cigarettes, and sing and cry...I really am trying