People, Places and Illusions

I know it might not feel like it right now for the newer quitters. BUT the truth is, you no longer HAVE to smoke. Smoking being social is an illusion. There is really nothing social about smoking. I used to see it myself when I first quit, when it looked like my smoking friends GOT to smoke. It would usually be at a party or a bar. They would be smoking and laughing it up and seem to be having a really good time. Of course I was having a good time too but sometimes I missed that. It wasn't until the first time I went to the airport when the lightbulb went off for me. I was actually coming back from my trip from Japan and was waiting for my ride to come get me. Not too far away was the smoking section outside. Out of boredom I started to watch the people smoking. Not in an envious "I want one" way,Herbal cigarettes, but in a 3rd person observation type of way. I noticed that the people smoking didn't look like they were enjoying it. There was no laughing it up and having a good time here. These people looked serious about it. Some of the people were hurrily smoking. Taking one drag and hurrily exhaling so that they could quickly take another. Some people were sitting there smoking and looked to be staring off into nowhere. There was no joy in their faces. Their was no light in their eyes. Just a look of intense thought on a trying to find a solution to a problem that they had no idea how to solve. I saw people put out their cigarettes, quickly look at their watch and then hurrily pull out another one. Lighting it with a panic, because they knew that time was up against them. I remember seeing this one person in particular smoking. They were about to put the cigarette out, when they hesitated, gave the cigarette a quick once over and took a couple of more desperate drags off it,stop smoking now, before extinquishing it. There was real concern on that person's face as he looked at that cigarette. That guy looked as if he was already going into a psychological withdrawal before any physical withdrawal symptoms were even happening. He had just topped off his nicotine level, yet he he still looked like he was having anxiety. There was already a fear in his eyes. It was that day when I fully realized something 110%. People do not get to smoke. They HAVE to smoke. They HAVE to smoke to keep the anxieties of not smoking at bay. It was so apparent watching those poor people. I realized that all those times at parties or at the bar and my friends were laughing it up and having a great time. They did so DESPITE smoking and NOT because of it. They were only trying to keep their anxieties at bay and the only way they could do it was by smoking a cigarette. They constantly had to smoke to feel what I was already feeling....calmness. What a false sense of accomplishment, because by smoking they acheived nothing more than finding a calmness that would have always been there if they were not smokers. These days in Washington State, there is an indoor smoking ban. So whenever I go out now, the illusion of smoking is no longer out there. The reality of smoking is out there in plain sight for everyone to see. I see it all the time. Smokers huddled underneath an awning with the rain coming down. Hopping up and down, trying to keep warm as they smoke as quickly as they can so that they can go back inside where it is warm. Or the lone smoker standing outside. Smoking with that same blank intense stare to nowhere of trying to find a solution to a problem that doesn't seem to exist. They're not even paying attention to the cigarette and when they do look at it. They seem to have this bewildered look on their face for a second, before going back to the ritual of smoking it. The pleasure of smoking is merely an illusion. The reality is that it is really a prison.People do not get to smoke. They HAVE to smoke. Quitting is a temporary adjustment to Freedom. The key word is TEMPORARY. I understand that you want to be YOU again, BUT also understand when you smoked. You weren't fully able to be YOU. You had to smoke to relieve anxieties that the previous cigarette kept creating. Anxieties that should have never been there in the first place. You had to smoke to feel " Nicotine normal." Nicotine hampered your own natural nuerotransmitters creating a void in you only to trick you into thinking you felt better when you administered the poison that created the void in the first place! Being at the mercy of a cigarette just to feel normal is much like a kid at the mercy of their parents of getting an allowance. That's not freedom! That's not living! That's being at the mercy of a drug! Don't believe in the cigarette anymore! I can't remember what book I read this quote from, but I think that it is a great quote for people quitting. "Fear is only misguided faith." Stop putting faith in cigarettes. Stop thinking that cigarettes are the solution to your problems. THEY ARE THE PROBLEM! They always have been. Keep choosing freedom!Eric I freed myself on 7/7/04